December 2011
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I live my life under the general assumption that everyone secretly hates me.
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gay male: i'm gay
straight female: OMG UR GAY LET'S BE BFFS CAN WE GO SHOPPING TOGETHER OMG
gay female: i'm gay
straight female: EW GET AWAY FROM ME U DYKE DONT TOUCH ME GROSS LESBIAN GERMS
And let's not forget -
Gay female: I'm gay
Straight male: OMG SO HOT. DAMN. CAN I FUCK YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHILE SOMEONE FILMS IT. TOUCH HER BOOOBS. BOOOOOOOOBS.
Gay male: I'm gay
Straight male: HOLY SHIT IT'S A HOMO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME FUCKIN HOMO. BACKS AGAINST THE WALL GUYS.
My response:
Anyone ever: I'm gay
Me: awesome. i love unicorns, do you love unicorns?
friend: mulan isnt even a princess
me: dishonor
dishonor on you
dishonor on your whole family
DISHONOR ON YOUR COW
Doctor: Are you sexually active
Me: Does it look like anything would want to have sex with this
When you were younger and a friend came over.
janeelovesyou216:
The awkward first half hour of politeness:
The next couple of hours:
When their parents came to collect them:
“HIDE! HIDE! THEY CAN’T TAKE YOU IF THEY CAN’T FIND YOU! IN MY ROOM! THEY WILL NEVER FIND YOU THERE! HIDE NIGGA HIDE! THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH!”
teacher: e-mail me the assignment by monday. I'll need your e-mail address.
me:
teacher:
me:
teacher:
me:
teacher:
me:
teacher:
me: tastybitch69@aol.com
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